Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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