My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
