this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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