I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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