Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
