That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They have beer where we have blood.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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