Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
