Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
