1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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