Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
