Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
