3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Where did you get a picture of my penis
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
