high people should be assigned attendants
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
