Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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