Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
