after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
