I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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