Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
