i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He has the fingertips of a God
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