I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
