I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
