I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
