we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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