i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
