So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
