Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
