somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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