Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
