My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
