Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my liver is dry heaving
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
