fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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