Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
