Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
