No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
