Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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