glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
