Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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