So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
