so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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