wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
