OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
