im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
