I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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