my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
