Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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