Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
