yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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