so explain again why im purple
no
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
