whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
