Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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