at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
