I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can you bring me the toilet please
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
