I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
