He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
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Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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