If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
