Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
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His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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