Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
