speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
