lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
