so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
