Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
