I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
