My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
