I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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